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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Free Parenting Classes In Chicago
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.