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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Free Parenting Classes
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Free Parenting Classes
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Free Parenting Classes
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Free Parenting Classes
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Free Parenting Classes
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Free Parenting Classes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Free Parenting Classes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Free Parenting Classes
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Free Parenting Classes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Free Parenting Classes
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Free Parenting Classes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Free Parenting Classes
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Free Parenting Classes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Free Parenting Classes
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Free Parenting Classes
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.