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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Funniest Things Kids Have Said
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Funniest Things Kids Have Said
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Funniest Things Kids Have Said
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Funniest Things Kids Have Said
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Funniest Things Kids Have Said
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.