Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Funny Things Kids Do
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Funny Things Kids Do
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Funny Things Kids Do
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Funny Things Kids Do
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Funny Things Kids Do
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Funny Things Kids Do
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Funny Things Kids Do
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Funny Things Kids Do
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Funny Things Kids Do
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must want to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Funny Things Kids Do
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Funny Things Kids Do
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Funny Things Kids Do
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Funny Things Kids Do
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Funny Things Kids Do
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Funny Things Kids Do
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.