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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Funny Things Preschoolers Say
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Funny Things Preschoolers Say
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Funny Things Preschoolers Say
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Funny Things Preschoolers Say
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Funny Things Preschoolers Say
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Funny Things Preschoolers Say
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Funny Things Preschoolers Say
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Funny Things Preschoolers Say
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Funny Things Preschoolers Say
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