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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Gagging With Fingers
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Gagging With Fingers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Gagging With Fingers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Gagging With Fingers
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Gagging With Fingers
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Gagging With Fingers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Gagging With Fingers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Gagging With Fingers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Gagging With Fingers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Gagging With Fingers
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Gagging With Fingers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Gagging With Fingers
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Gagging With Fingers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gagging With Fingers
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Gagging With Fingers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.