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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Night Weaning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Gentle Night Weaning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Gentle Night Weaning
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Gentle Night Weaning
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Night Weaning
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Gentle Night Weaning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Gentle Night Weaning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Gentle Night Weaning
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Gentle Night Weaning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Gentle Night Weaning
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Gentle Night Weaning
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Night Weaning
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Gentle Night Weaning
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Night Weaning
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Night Weaning
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.