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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting A Strong Willed Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.