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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting Definition
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Gentle Parenting Definition
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Gentle Parenting Definition
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Gentle Parenting Definition
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Definition
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Gentle Parenting Definition
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Definition
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Definition
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Gentle Parenting Definition
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Definition
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Gentle Parenting Definition
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting Definition
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Definition
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting Definition
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting Definition
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