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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting Expert
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Gentle Parenting Expert
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting Expert
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Gentle Parenting Expert
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Expert
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Gentle Parenting Expert
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Expert
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Gentle Parenting Expert
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Gentle Parenting Expert
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Expert
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Gentle Parenting Expert
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting Expert
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Expert
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting Expert
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting Expert
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