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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Gentle Parenting Guidelines
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting Guidelines
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Gentle Parenting Guidelines
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Guidelines
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Gentle Parenting Guidelines
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Gentle Parenting Guidelines
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting Guidelines
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Guidelines
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting Guidelines
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