Gentle Parenting How To Say No – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Gentle Parenting How To Say No
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Gentle Parenting How To Say No

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Gentle Parenting How To Say No

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Gentle Parenting How To Say No

Gentle Parenting How To Say No

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Gentle Parenting How To Say No

Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they want Gentle Parenting How To Say No

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.

Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it

• Most upset children are really frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Gentle Parenting How To Say No

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting How To Say No

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting How To Say No

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting How To Say No

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting How To Say No


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