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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting Newborn
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Gentle Parenting Newborn
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting Newborn
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Gentle Parenting Newborn
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Newborn
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Gentle Parenting Newborn
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Newborn
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Newborn
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Gentle Parenting Newborn
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Newborn
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Gentle Parenting Newborn
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting Newborn
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Newborn
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting Newborn
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting Newborn
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