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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Gentle Parenting Podcast
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Gentle Parenting Podcast
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Gentle Parenting Podcast
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Gentle Parenting Podcast
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Podcast
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Gentle Parenting Podcast
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Podcast
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and extra usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Gentle Parenting Podcast
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Gentle Parenting Podcast
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Podcast
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Gentle Parenting Podcast
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting Podcast
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Podcast
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting Podcast
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting Podcast
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