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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Gentle Parenting Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Gentle Parenting Tantrums
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Gentle Parenting Tantrums
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Gentle Parenting Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting Tantrums
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