Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

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Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling below it

• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting Vs Attachment Parenting


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