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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting Vs Mainstream Parenting
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