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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Gentle Parenting Whining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Gentle Parenting Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Gentle Parenting Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Gentle Parenting Whining
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting Whining
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Gentle Parenting Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting Whining
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Gentle Parenting Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Gentle Parenting Whining
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Gentle Parenting Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting Whining
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Gentle Parenting Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gentle Parenting Whining
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Gentle Parenting Whining
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