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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gentle Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Gentle Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Gentle Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Gentle Parenting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Gentle Parenting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Gentle Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Gentle Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Gentle Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Gentle Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Gentle Parenting
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Gentle Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Gentle Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Gentle Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Gentle Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Gentle Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.