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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Get Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding Or Yelling
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.