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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Gets Worse Before It Gets Better
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.