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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Getting Your Kids Out The Door In The Morning
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.