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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Girl Talk Back
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Girl Talk Back
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Girl Talk Back
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Girl Talk Back
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Girl Talk Back
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Girl Talk Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Girl Talk Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Girl Talk Back
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Girl Talk Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Girl Talk Back
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Girl Talk Back
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Girl Talk Back
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Girl Talk Back
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Girl Talk Back
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Girl Talk Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.