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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Girls Talk Back
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Girls Talk Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Girls Talk Back
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Girls Talk Back
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Girls Talk Back
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Girls Talk Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Girls Talk Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Girls Talk Back
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Girls Talk Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Girls Talk Back
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Girls Talk Back
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Girls Talk Back
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Girls Talk Back
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Girls Talk Back
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Girls Talk Back
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