Girls Whine – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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Girls Whine
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Girls Whine

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Girls Whine

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Girls Whine

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Girls Whine

Girls Whine

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Girls Whine

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they want Girls Whine

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Girls Whine

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Girls Whine

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it

• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Girls Whine

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Girls Whine

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Girls Whine

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Girls Whine

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Girls Whine

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Girls Whine

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Girls Whine


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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