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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Girls Whinning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Girls Whinning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Girls Whinning
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Girls Whinning
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Girls Whinning
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Girls Whinning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Girls Whinning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Girls Whinning
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Girls Whinning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Girls Whinning
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Girls Whinning
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Girls Whinning
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Girls Whinning
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Girls Whinning
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Girls Whinning
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.