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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Going Back To Diapers
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Going Back To Diapers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Going Back To Diapers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Going Back To Diapers
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Going Back To Diapers
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Going Back To Diapers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Going Back To Diapers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Going Back To Diapers
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Going Back To Diapers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Going Back To Diapers
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Going Back To Diapers
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Going Back To Diapers
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Going Back To Diapers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Going Back To Diapers
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Going Back To Diapers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.