Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Guidance Techniques For Preschoolers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.