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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. H Stephen Glenn
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.H Stephen Glenn
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach H Stephen Glenn
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development H Stephen Glenn
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? H Stephen Glenn
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want H Stephen Glenn
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. H Stephen Glenn
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. H Stephen Glenn
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … H Stephen Glenn
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. H Stephen Glenn
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. H Stephen Glenn
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? H Stephen Glenn
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? H Stephen Glenn
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. H Stephen Glenn
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. H Stephen Glenn
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