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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Happily Family Conference
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Happily Family Conference
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Happily Family Conference
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Happily Family Conference
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Happily Family Conference
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Happily Family Conference
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Happily Family Conference
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Happily Family Conference
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Happily Family Conference
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Happily Family Conference
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Happily Family Conference
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Happily Family Conference
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Happily Family Conference
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happily Family Conference
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Happily Family Conference
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