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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Happy Fathers Day Blog
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Happy Fathers Day Blog
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Happy Fathers Day Blog
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Happy Fathers Day Blog
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Happy Fathers Day Blog
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Happy Fathers Day Blog
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Happy Fathers Day Blog
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Happy Fathers Day Blog
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Happy Fathers Day Blog
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Happy Fathers Day Blog
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Happy Fathers Day Blog
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Happy Fathers Day Blog
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Happy Fathers Day Blog
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Happy Fathers Day Blog
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Happy Fathers Day Blog
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