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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Happy Kids Apps
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Happy Kids Apps
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Happy Kids Apps
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Happy Kids Apps
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Happy Kids Apps
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Happy Kids Apps
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Happy Kids Apps
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Happy Kids Apps
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Happy Kids Apps
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Happy Kids Apps
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Happy Kids Apps
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Happy Kids Apps
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Happy Kids Apps
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happy Kids Apps
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Happy Kids Apps
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.