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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Happy Kids Development Center
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Happy Kids Development Center
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Happy Kids Development Center
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Happy Kids Development Center
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Happy Kids Development Center
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Happy Kids Development Center
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Happy Kids Development Center
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Happy Kids Development Center
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Happy Kids Development Center
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Happy Kids Development Center
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Happy Kids Development Center
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Happy Kids Development Center
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Happy Kids Development Center
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happy Kids Development Center
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Happy Kids Development Center
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.