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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Happy Kids Foundation
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Happy Kids Foundation
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Happy Kids Foundation
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Happy Kids Foundation
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Happy Kids Foundation
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Happy Kids Foundation
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Happy Kids Foundation
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Happy Kids Foundation
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Happy Kids Foundation
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Happy Kids Foundation
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Happy Kids Foundation
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Happy Kids Foundation
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Happy Kids Foundation
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Happy Kids Foundation
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Happy Kids Foundation
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