Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Happy Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Happy Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Happy Peaceful Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Happy Peaceful Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Happy Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Happy Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Happy Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Happy Peaceful Parenting
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Happy Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Happy Peaceful Parenting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Happy Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Happy Peaceful Parenting
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Happy Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happy Peaceful Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Happy Peaceful Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.