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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Happy Potty
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Happy Potty
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Happy Potty
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Happy Potty
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Happy Potty
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Happy Potty
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Happy Potty
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Happy Potty
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Happy Potty
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Happy Potty
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Happy Potty
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Happy Potty
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Happy Potty
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happy Potty
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Happy Potty
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.