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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Happy Teenage Girl
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Happy Teenage Girl
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Happy Teenage Girl
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Happy Teenage Girl
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Happy Teenage Girl
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Happy Teenage Girl
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Happy Teenage Girl
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Happy Teenage Girl
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Happy Teenage Girl
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Happy Teenage Girl
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Happy Teenage Girl
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Happy Teenage Girl
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Happy Teenage Girl
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Happy Teenage Girl
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Happy Teenage Girl
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