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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Happy Yell
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Happy Yell
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Happy Yell
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Happy Yell
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Happy Yell
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Happy Yell
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Happy Yell
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Happy Yell
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Happy Yell
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Happy Yell
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Happy Yell
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Happy Yell
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Happy Yell
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Happy Yell
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Happy Yell
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