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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Harsh Parenting Effects
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Harsh Parenting Effects
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Harsh Parenting Effects
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Harsh Parenting Effects
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Harsh Parenting Effects
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Harsh Parenting Effects
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Harsh Parenting Effects
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Harsh Parenting Effects
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Harsh Parenting Effects
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Harsh Parenting Effects
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Harsh Parenting Effects
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Harsh Parenting Effects
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Harsh Parenting Effects
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Harsh Parenting Effects
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Harsh Parenting Effects
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