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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. He Who Does Not Discipline His Child Hates Him
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