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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Heal Our Children
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Heal Our Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Heal Our Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Heal Our Children
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Heal Our Children
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Heal Our Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Heal Our Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Heal Our Children
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Heal Our Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Heal Our Children
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Heal Our Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Heal Our Children
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Heal Our Children
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Heal Our Children
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Heal Our Children
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.