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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Helping A Child Who Is A Very Picky Eater
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