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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. House Rules For Preschoolers
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.House Rules For Preschoolers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan House Rules For Preschoolers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development House Rules For Preschoolers
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? House Rules For Preschoolers
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for House Rules For Preschoolers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. House Rules For Preschoolers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. House Rules For Preschoolers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … House Rules For Preschoolers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. House Rules For Preschoolers
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. House Rules For Preschoolers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? House Rules For Preschoolers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? House Rules For Preschoolers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. House Rules For Preschoolers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. House Rules For Preschoolers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.