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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Household Rules For Kids
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Household Rules For Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Household Rules For Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Household Rules For Kids
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Household Rules For Kids
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Household Rules For Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Household Rules For Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Household Rules For Kids
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Household Rules For Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Household Rules For Kids
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Household Rules For Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Household Rules For Kids
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Household Rules For Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Household Rules For Kids
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Household Rules For Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.