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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. How Can I Legally Discipline My Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.