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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How Can We Create Peace In The World
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Can We Create Peace In The World
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How Can We Create Peace In The World
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development How Can We Create Peace In The World
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Can We Create Peace In The World
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want How Can We Create Peace In The World
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How Can We Create Peace In The World
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Can We Create Peace In The World
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … How Can We Create Peace In The World
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. How Can We Create Peace In The World
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How Can We Create Peace In The World
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How Can We Create Peace In The World
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How Can We Create Peace In The World
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Can We Create Peace In The World
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. How Can We Create Peace In The World
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.