How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

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How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Do I Do Peaceful Parenting With A 15 Year Old Girl


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