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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. How Do I Get My Kids To Listen
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