How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it

• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How Do I Know If I Am A Good Parent


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