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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. How Do I Stop My Toddler From Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.